Nice Guys Finish First in my Book
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© 2012 Katina Davenport
Nice guys don’t always finish last, but they don’t always finish first either. Sometimes they finish third or ninth, but never count them out. They are the biggest secret weapon we have in our communities. They are able to show themselves strong in a way that is needed to enrich the lives that surround them. Nice guys strive to keep their families together, volunteer in their communities, are nice to the women in their lives, and have good common sense. To be a nice guy is a road less travelled. The name calling and mistreatment of these men has made them to believe that being a “dog” is the only way to treat women.
For as long as I understood that there are some nice men in the world I didn’t know the difference between a nice guy and a nice con-man. Coming from a single parent home with no father and having an estranged relationship with him I never completely got the whole nice guy thing. Sadly, many women don’t get it either. I never had a man to show me what to look for in a husband. The example was not set before me. I was privy to witness a strong single mother handle the stress of parenthood. Everything I was told was from a woman’s point of view. A lot of the advice was correct, but there was always a little extra “you don’t need a man” or “don’t put your eggs in one basket” thrown in the mix.
I had the opportunity to date a couple of nice guys. Of course those relationships never worked out because there was always something quirky in their personalities that made those nice guys not so nice. All of them could not satisfy my need for emotional expression or had hidden rage underneath all that niceness. The con-man I married the first time around seemed nice until Mr. Hyde came out. I should have known better, but that is another story for another time. When I met the love of my life I knew he was a nice guy. He was nice to everybody. Everybody he came in contact with wanted to be his friend. He had a way of making a person feel great about themselves. That’s because he would rather see the good in people than the evil.
How can you tell if you are dealing with a nice guy? First and foremost your nice guy will love and serve the Creator of heaven and earth. A nice guy wouldn’t consider being a Christian wimpy at all. In fact, the way that a man relates to God will determine how he will relate to a woman. Since the relationship between man and wife is supposed to mirror the relationship that God has for His church then that man will have to be well versed in expressive adoration. If he can express himself to God in words, deeds, writing; whatever, then he will show some kind of expression to his wife. Being expressive is not weak. It is an underrated strength. It is the kind of strength that can make a wife submit to her husband without ever being forceful.
Secondly, understand that a “Christian thug" does not exist. You will get your behind beat. I hear women all the time talk about how they want a good man, but he has to be a thug. Thug is defined as a violent person especially a criminal. Why would any woman want a violent man? A violent man doesn’t care about who he hits. Think about that one.
Lastly, know your guy’s reputation. We know that everyone makes mistakes, but what is everyone saying about your nice guy. You will have some that are opposed to him and will bring up his past mistakes. Then, you will have those that will tell you how trustworthy or dependable he is. Ultimately you will know your guy is a nice guy by the way he treats you, his family, and his community.
Be careful about how you treat the true nice guy you may come across. Make oneness and openness to God the top priority on your list when looking at suitors. Don’t miss the right opportunity to be with a nice guy. He just might be the man you’ve been waiting for.
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Thanks!
I see so many articles to include one where people of good ethics and morals were less likely to make it in today's upper career fields. Being honest, good and keeping good ethics and morals has been put down a lot. It might not give you everything on Earth but it should help you get to Heaven.
I totally agree with you SanXuary! I believe if you are good to people then people will be good to you. You reap what you sow.
You are right, it is often just that the nice guys are not noticed as much, but do very well.
Thanks for SHARING.
Thank you Brett.Tesol
That is why dating is so important. You date enough guys and you can tell which is the con and which is not. Well done! Voted up and interesting.
When a woman encounters so many bad guys she should know when a good one is in front of her.
I am a 23 year old female, but while I am still relatively young, I consider myself to have a vast amount of experience in dating and relationships. I know exactly what the "Nice Con Man" is that you're talking about - those always seem to be the types I attract, and unfortunately, end up falling for. For the longest time, I was convinced that's all I would ever find; I broke up with my last Ex-Nice Con Man about two years ago, and that had me almost convinced ever since that I was destined to be alone forever.
But then my two years of waiting patiently and working on myself finally paid off, because that's when I met my current boyfriend. It turns out nice guys DON'T always finish last, and neither do nice girls. But you have to have an exorbitant amount of patience until they come around; it's a huge waiting game... one that is totally worth it in the end.
One thing I disagree with is the notion that a man has to be a Christian in order to be a nice guy. This simply isn't true, at least not in my opinion (or experience). My boyfriend now isn't a Christian - he grew up Mormon, although he doesn't practice it as much anymore - but he is actually one of the nicest guys I know, nicer than quite a few of the Christian guys I know in fact. He is attentive, communicative, has manners, is generous, acts like a real gentleman opening doors and paying for dates and so on, my parents like him, he never pressures me to do anything I'm uncomfortable with, he's by my side within seconds if I'm sick or hurting... the list could go on forever. If I wasn't in the relationship myself and seeing it with my own eyes, I wouldn't believe a man like him existed myself! While a strong faith is certainly a bonus, it's not a requirement. Of course, this is just my opinion; every woman has different values and morals, just like we all have our own "dealbreakers". A lack of faith might be one of them for some reason.
The wait for MY nice guy was a long, two-year journey full of soul-searching, at times very much punctuated with loneliness, a personal conviction that this loneliness would last forever, and even giving up hope altogether at times. But you know what? I hung in there, I waited, and I was rewarded with the most caring, lovely boyfriend ever. It might be a waiting game at times, but it's a waiting game that I would do all over again.
Thank you for writing such a beautiful story. Nice men don't have to be Christian. That was used from my own personal experience and the experience of my friends.
I am happy to hear you have someone in your life that is good to you and for you.
Many blessings.
-Katina
QudsiaP1 Level 5 Commenter 4 months ago
To be honest; the world is a tricky place, where right is underwhelmed and wrong is over marketed, finding the balance can be at times difficult if not impossible. Well written.